TL;DR

Positive Psychology.

Unless you take action to change your situation, why are you upset with where you are, if you are choosing to not take any action?

Even if the choice is undesirable, it is something that’s moving you away from a worse situation you used to be.

Choose to be happy. Because death is the only guarantee, and you will have wished you had enjoyed the gift of being alive much sooner.

People often fear hearing “change is the only constant”, but if you’re stuck somewhere you don’t want to be, then this is good news, because it means that there will be an opportunity to change yourself and your situation. And that alone is something to be happy about :)?

My Personal Experience

This is negativity is something I struggle with quite a bit (but getting better) because I would resent where I was and would day dream about something better in the future.

Granted, I’m also enjoy delaying graditifaiton to exchange for a bigger, more lasting result–but if I choose to accept the delayed gratification, does it make sense to be upset while I wait?

No. That’s irrational.

It’s just like when my little brother was literally crying because he was getting frustrated with a game.

It makes zero sense to CHOOSE to play a video game (a toy meant to create a fun time), and then start crying because you’re not “winning”.

What the fuck?

Use Case

Or when this same brother gets upset because he has to finish his reading assignment for school.

Our dialogue went something like this:

Me: “What are your options”

Brother: “I can either read the book, or not read the book”

Me: “Are those your only options”

Brother: “yes”

Me: “Alight then, so what are the consequences of both actions?”

Brother: “If I don’t read the book, then I will get in trouble and I won’t be able to play video games. If I read the book, I won’t get in trouble, and I’ll be able to play games”

Me: “Alright, so given the consequences for both choices, which choice will you pick?”

Brother: angerly “I’ll read the book”

Me: “Now listen to this: You’ve already decided that you’re going to read the book–that’s a done deal because you choose to read the book, since you have decided that to be your best move right now”

Me: “Having said that, if you’re going to read either way, why not choose to be happy while you read? You can’t change the fact that you’re going to read, but you can decide now if you’re going to be happy while ready or sad while reading. The choice is still yours:

My brothers teach me so much, it seems like most adults are simply grown-up kids.

Then there’s also the high school teachers who hated their jobs. The assistant principle, the vice principle, and some of the teachers.

These people rarely had a smile on their face; they wore a scorn look on their faces, and some simply took their jobs way too seriously; you couldn’t take a job.

Now I get it–high school students are immature.

Regardless, if you choose to work for a school, you are choosing to be around high school kids who are immature.

Now. I can see how sometimes, your next best move might not be something you want to do because you are moving away from something worse–but even then, choose to be happy that you’re no longer homeless, or dependent on someone else for money.

Reflection

I think part of the reason why many people choose to be bitter is because they feel like their past experience is not being validated.

This reminds me of a woman who was a substitute teacher at my high school.

She was sitting down, arms crossed, sulking in frustration.

“Students are disrespectful. I have a MASTERS degree! Students should show respect”

In retrospect, I feel back for her. She probably felt hurt by something students said. She probably had her dreams of becoming a teacher crushed by the reality of how people (young adolescence) really worked in the real world.

Side note: this is why showing respect and having manners for all people is important.

Side note: Just like what Ray Dalio said, the importance of embracing reality are vital.

How does the substitute teacher’s case illustrate the idea of letting go of the past?

She was fixed on becoming a teacher with a masters degree when the real world doesn’t give a shit about your education.

Shoot, I would go on to say that in the US, society doesn’t give a shit about teachers.

This is where we must make a trade off: (1) do we accept reality, and choose a different path? (2) do we accept reality, and change our attitude? (3) do we reject reality, and suffer in silence in our vain attempt of forcing our dreams onto the world?

Same thing happened with the assistant principle. He has a background serving in the military, but no one cared about his past. What did he do? He had this “tough guy” attitude, when in reality, he was a high school assistant principle. There’s nothing alpha about that.

That being said, if your past no longer serves you, let it go. Adapt. Relabel and rebrand yourself to adapt.

People often fear hearing “change is the only constant”, but if you’re stuck somewhere you don’t want to be, then this is good news, because it means that there will be an opportunity to change yourself and your situation. And that alone is something to be happy about :)?

What if we choose to be happy with the experience of life (good, bad, scary, pleasant, sad, happy), rather than the experience of happiness itself, I think more people would value their time and be more likable.

Choose to be happy. Because death is the only guarantee, and you will have wished you had enjoyed the gift of being alive much sooner.